Why join a group? (a.ka. “I hate groups”)
Yes. We know. Many of us are introverts, too!
Maybe you want to learn meditation to get away from people, not to be with them (especially people you do not know)! Maybe you just think that an individualized approach is the best way to go.
Group dynamics and social situations can definitely be stressors; and this kind of stress is explored in many mindfulness courses. Interacting with our fellow humans is often the hardest arena for applying our mindfulness practice – and also the place where that practice is most needed.
Whatever your reasons, if you think you want to learn solo, here are some points to consider before taking the plunge.
Built-in momentum and accountability
When you take a group course, you will have ongoing assignments each week to help you start a regular practice. If you sign up for an asynchronous self-paced course, it’s much easier to skip the work while you say to yourself, “Oh, I’ll do it tomorrow.” When you are part of a cohort, you’re more likely and motivated to engage with the curriculum, at the very least so that you know what everyone else is talking about when you meet!
Learning to be perfectly imperfect
Mindfulness is simple but not easy. One thing that gets in the way is striving and perfectionism. When you're in a group, you will find other people who are going through exactly the same struggles as you, and that shared experience can really be helpful. Creating a judgement-free-zone with others helps you to create a similar zone in your mind when assessing your practice. It’s much easier to toss in the towel when you’re on your own.
The glory of discovering you are normal
When we think that we’re the only ones going through something in relation to our practice, hearing other people’s experience and perspectives normalizes and validates our own. It’s generally a relief to discover that we are all humans having a very human experience.
We learn from diversity
Most people share common joys and challenges in their learning journey with mindfulness. It’s the richness of diverse perspectives and life experiences that makes a group setting so special. People usually come from a wide range of backgrounds, family situations, and social contexts. Intergenerational solidarity can also add a unique dimension to the cohort. Bearing witness to how people navigate their unique circumstances in a very unfiltered way gives us insight into our own lives. It also opens our hearts.
The wisdom of annoyance
Some might say they can concentrate better alone because they can control external distractions. Think of those pesky people in your meditation class that shift around, can’t sit still, or even fall asleep and snore! In real life, we are not able to only be with the people we like, and to stay clear of those we don’t want to be around. A course is well suited to the work of exploring annoyance and irritation towards others. Through the practice of meditation we can develop greater curiosity, compassion, and equanimity. Often that person we found annoying in Class 1 has found their way into our heart by Class 8. We might not like everyone, but we can love them and allow them to be who they are, without compromising our own integrity or wellbeing. And there are great lessons in that.
Mirror-neurons, it’s a thing.
People often ask why it feels so much harder to meditate by themselves, whereas when they are in a group they experience much greater levels of concentration in ease. Assuming the group is safe and welcoming, this is a common experience. There’s something to be said about the collective momentum and unspoken solidarity and encouragement in a group practice. There’s also the power of mirror neurons to co-regulate our nervous systems when we work in group settings. Sometimes it can feel like we don’t have to try as hard because we can draw from the collective energy in the room. Think of it as singing. Singing alone in your shower can be fabulous. But singing in a group produces unique feelings of connection and uplift. It’s something humans have been doing forever, across all cultures and times. As much as dealing with other humans can be hard going, the joy of interconnection is invaluable.
© MML Editorial Team, 2021