Going Deeper

Hitting a plateau? Curious to go beyond daily meditation maintenance? Wondering what else there is to all this? Wondering if you are mostly zoning out during the practice? Losing heart or losing momentum?

Going deeper in your practice usually happens naturally over time, with ebbs and flows, once the honeymoon phase ends.

So when is it time for a tune-up, or a deeper dive? Here are some suggestions on how to take the steps to deepen your practice.

Committing to a community of practice

Mainstream American culture has long adopted a DIY mentality when it comes to meditation. Even contemplative practices can become the markers of a “rugged individualism,” as if it were all up to us. If you’re operating with the implicit assumption that “it’s all about me and my meditation,” take a moment to notice how hard that can be!

Traditionally, meditation has been a collaborative and communal affair. There are good reasons for this: collective wisdom, mutual accountability, mutual support, and momentum. You can only go so far by yourself. Longtime meditation teacher Sebene Selassie writes that while some people are “natural self-teachers, most of us benefit from guidance and instruction… I’ve found it’s definitely helpful to have some insightful and wise people around.”

Finding a healthy community of practice can be its own adventure. No community is perfect or will meet all your needs. As with dating, it’s when we commit to the relationship that the rubber really meets the road! So much can come alive in our meditation when we enter into relationship with a healthy community – a community that’s dedicated to contemplative practices and focused on integrating them into daily life. In fact, “doing community” is an advanced meditation practice in its own right, as we are challenged to bring mindfulness to our interpersonal relationships. Community is a fierce and loving teacher! We encourage you to find your good-enough-tribe.

Committing to a path of practice

With so many options, which path of practice is best?

Our consumerist society likes to tell us that freedom means having lots of choices. Unlike decades ago, today there is a bounty of meditation resources (apps, books, groups, courses, teachers, etc.). It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of so much choice! Yet, this proliferation of options can encourage indecision and the “butterfly syndrome:” trying many different things in quick succession in search of “that perfect meditation practice.” We also live in a culture that attributes great value to accumulation, which can be a terrific distraction in itself. All this can result in significant breadth without much opportunity for depth. Even in the world of meditation, we can get lost in chasing shiny objects.

We also might be very quick to assess a practice, deciding prematurely if it “works” based on unexamined expectations and goals, or on a very cursory amount of time devoted to trying it (perhaps even an experience that we only tried once).

So, what is the best path of practice? It’s the path that you actually commit to, with dedicated practice, for a substantive amount of time.

Going on retreat

By taking us out of our ordinary world, retreats allow us to experience a deep dive into the practice with significantly fewer distractions and fewer things on our minds. On retreat, we give things up: using our phone, reading the news, tending to our various personal, domestic, and professional responsibilities. Sometimes this also involves taking a complete break from talking. (Or from listening to others talk!) If you have not had a chance to experience this kind of silence and simplicity, it might sound scary at first. In fact, many people find the experience supportive and illuminating. It’s also a chance to (re)learn how to “do nothing,” an increasingly lost art in a culture marked by the pursuit of incessant productivity.

The stillness and simplification of a retreat allows for the space to hone into your meditation, and to try new practices with the support of a teacher. You have the opportunity to learn things about yourself that might not otherwise have come forth. Turning toward your mind in this intense way requires a safe setting with others and a supportive teacher. As the writer Anne Lamott put it, “my mind is a bad neighborhood I try not to go into alone.”

When we return from a retreat, we start to re-engage the world with a more nourished and creative perspective. It’s a radical thing to bring this kind of stillness into your daily life and your interactions with others. You may discover a greater ability to draw on your inner resources; and a capacity to recover more quickly when things get crazy.

Choosing a retreat

The cost of a retreat can be prohibitive. An increasing number of retreat centers offer scholarships, discounts, pay-what-you-can arrangements, or even work exchanges. Also, if you are comfortable being in a religious setting, many faith traditions have monasteries which offer public retreats at fairly low cost, particularly if you are willing to share a room or sleep in a dormitory setting.

If you have never been on a residential retreat before, it’s often suggested to try a weekend option first. You may wish to seek advice from a trusted instructor, or the recommendation of a friend. Longer retreats can be challenging for novice meditators and getting into the water gradually can help.

Furthermore, the pandemic has greatly increased the number of guided at-home retreats. This can be a more affordable option, if you are able to create conditions at home (or somewhere else) that will allow you to benefit from this type of retreat. Speak with your family or housemates about the schedule and about what you might need to create a retreat-like atmosphere at home.

Working individually with a mentor or teacher

Lastly, you might consider reaching out to a meditation instructor from some individualized support, whether formally or informally. This might be an on-going relationship, or something you do once in a while as a tune-up session for your practice.

Some teachers call this “mentoring” on their websites; they may offer it on a donation or sliding scale basis. Some meditation communities offer this kind of support in a more organized way: for example, a set of “meditation interviews” with a teacher during a retreat, or a designated group of people who have been authorized to provide individualized support.

Every teacher works differently. Some are pro-active, asking directly what’s happening when you meditate, prescribing certain practices or techniques, suggesting specific readings and reflections. Others will invite you to bring up whatever is present in that moment.

Working with a teacher one-on-one can give you the opportunity to concentrate on a specific and personally tailored matter, unlike using an app or taking a generic course. Working individually allows you to engage dynamically with another person around what is emerging right now.

It’s all practice

At some point, meditation and mindfulness become a fully integrated part of your life rather than some special thing that you have to do. Meditation is no longer compartmentalized and the lines between practice and life disappear. All areas of your life become the path of practice: whether you’re taking care of your kids, driving down the highway, cooking a meal, or in an intense and difficult conversation with a co-worker. Nothing gets left out – the sublime and the mundane, it’s all practice.

There is a shift that happens when you stop treating mindfulness meditation as a unique event or compartmentalized activity, as a hobby or a specially honed skill. The whole point is to bring your practice ‘off the cushion.’ Over a period of time, lines blur around where practice starts and stops. This is a good sign. It’s pointing to the integration of mindfulness in daily life.

How can you deepen your practice? Right here, right now. In the wonder of life as it is unfolding, moment to moment -- in the sublime and the mundane. Doing the dishes, answering the call of a distressed friend, walking the dog, preparing a meal, driving to work, having a difficult conversation with a neighbor, delighting in the blue sky. Which brings up the question: what’s not practice?

© MML Editorial Team, 2021